What Men Want But Won't Say Part I
I treasure my friendships with other women. There are things in this world that only women friends get. Like wearing riding boots on a hot summer day isn’t at all insane because it looks super cool with your skinny jeans.
I love being a woman. I love the fact that I can cry openly during sappy love scenes in a public theatre, and I don’t have to worry about such things as having my manliness called into question. I love that I can be self-efficient and that men are still moved to open doors for me or offer to carry heavy packages without making me feel reduced. I love all the arcane and obvious trappings of femininity – the sexy clothes, the strappy heels, the ability to flirt and charm and make a man bump into things.
Despite these things, I’m not exactly a girl’s girl. When asked, I can’t explain why I have an easier camaraderie with men. I attributed it simply to my lack of sophistication. I speak plainly, take things at face value and rarely read between the lines. Granted there are exceptions, but most men – the ones whom I befriended anyway – appreciated this. I have had the privilege of their friendships without the complicated female-male romance stuff getting in the way. (I must admit this is still a real obstacle with some men. Sigh).
Though we live in the time of reality shows and sex tapes where there is never too much information (TMI), I believe there are still men – men whose mother raised them well – who are simply too classy to voice a few things that need to be said.
As a service to both sexes, please allow me to be the bearer. If not for the fear of being ungentlemanly, these are the things men want to say to their women. I have split them up into two posts. Part one are things on dating. Part two, scheduled for next week, are the common complaints from men about relationships.
Men want you to stop trying too hard. Really, you don’t need to know the stats of his favorite sports hero or every penalty call, rules and strategy of the game to make yourself stand out. Just plop a plate of hot wings and massive amounts of chips and beer in front of him and his friends and leave them in front of the giant plasma TV for a few hours.
If you’re doing the online dating thing, please, please, do not pose with your sexy lingerie and think of accessorizing with an AK-47. Unless you want to attract the hunting crowd, please re-think this. Men, due to biology, love the thrill of the chase. Engage them with your wit and spontaneity but please leave behind the “Fifty Shades of Grey” props unless, again, you want to draw a certain type of guy.
Men want you to stop with the end game. Most women like to think of themselves as romantic but I’m of the opinion that women are the more practical creatures. Sure, those killer biceps may have unstitched you but on date night, your mind is probably running through a checklist more methodical than a scientist performing her lab experiment.
Where the date is the actual lab, the mental checklist might be something like this.
Unhealthy habits such as engaging in too much partying that rivals the characters in the Hangover movies? No. Check.
Employed and can feed both of you past the first date? (Survivability of self and offspring.) Check.
Regular habit of bathing? (No explanation needed). Check.
Went to school or grasped basic grammar? (For passing on great genes to offspring.) Check.
And so on and so on.
In other words, after that first date, you need to know that it will lead somewhere. You need to know that there is an end game.
As one astute male friend pointed out, “It’s interesting that women can be out shopping all day and still be happy going home empty-handed but they couldn’t apply the same mindset to dating.”
Ladies, when it comes to dating, sometimes it’s just fun going window shopping.