Why It's Good to Be Full of Yourself
“Love is only possible if it unfolds from wholeness.” – Vee Somphon
She was a soft-spoken woman, married with children, and living the kind of life that wouldn’t otherwise called attention. Then we learned from the media that she helped two convicted murderers escape, claiming she fell for one of them. When asked why, she said he “treated me with respect and was nice to me. He made me feel special.”
Another woman, married to what others thought was a devoted husband, still did not feel she received enough attention from him so she looked outside that marriage. She used her friends (myself included) as part of her extravagant lies until her husband caught on and was calling friends at odd hours of the night to validate her story.
Are some people willing to risk everything for a feeling?
Apparently so. The first woman – you may have followed her story in the news, is facing up to seven years in prison. Her name is Joyce Mitchell. The other, who will remain anonymous here, was served divorce papers. Because of her deception, she lost not only a good man but eventually, many good friends.
It doesn’t take a clairvoyant or a therapist to predict if a relationship will last. A quick barometer for couples is to use this question:
“What do you like about being with So-and-So?”
If the primary answer is something along these lines, the relationship may not have durability:
“She makes me feel important.”
“He makes me feel beautiful.”
These are all good things. But what happens when these feelings go away? Do you stop loving the person? Do you stop loving being in the relationship and start looking to someone else to make you feel that way again?
Of course not. You put in the work. When you find the real thing, you are all in.
Aside from commitment to the relationship, of paramount importance, is the commitment to self. You should just be full of yourself. And it’s a good thing. I’ll explain.
A healthy, committed relationship is possible with two healthy people. Now take it a step further. Imagine what that relationship would look like if the parties give all they can give and not feel used or taken for granted because they expected nothing in return. This is possible because:
The act of giving will take nothing from you if you are already whole.
That is why it is good to be full of self.
Instead of looking for someone to patch a piece of you that’s missing, perhaps work on being the kind of person that is already whole. If you are whole, chances are, you are someone others would respect, be attracted to, interested in, and ultimately, love!
Self-validation is a skill we lack. Some of us may have never learned it, or for some of us who did learned it as children, we were chastised for being “too full of ourselves.”
I do not understand why being “full of ourselves” is a wrong thing to be. Perhaps the meaning of that phrase needs to change. Currently, it equates to arrogance. And arrogance, of course, is unattractive on anyone. More so than bell-bottoms and mullets.
I’m hoping that over time the idiom gains new meaning. The phrase should evolve into that of being whole and authentic. That’s the true meaning of being full of self.
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